I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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