At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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