and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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