No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize