i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize