i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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