so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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