Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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