well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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