I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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