Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
