96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
