you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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