I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize