All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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