my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
