I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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