Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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