Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
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im about as happy as oj after his trial
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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