capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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