winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize