I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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