Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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