jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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