I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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