You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize