How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize