I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize