I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize