it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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