dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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