Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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