Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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