no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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