Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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