Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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