my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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