So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize