I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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