I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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