We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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