she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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