I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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