i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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