the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
BRING THE BAGELS
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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