So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
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Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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