I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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