I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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