I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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