Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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