i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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