He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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