meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think my moral compass just broke
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